Reunions between birth relatives separated by adoption can spark off intense sexual feelings, according to a visiting psychiatrist. Maurice Greenburg, a consultant to London's Post-Adoption Centre, was speaking at the Adopting New Ways conference about genetic sexual attraction, a phenomenon he has studied. During the study he analysed 40 case histories and interviewed 10 people who said they had experienced this attraction. The reunions included those between parents and children and between siblings. The people concerned were both heterosexuals and homosexuals.
Four of the six he interviewed said they had engaged in a sexual relationship with their birth relative while others described experiences ranging from intense erotic feelings toward their relatives to sexual behaviour such as fondling and touching. When meeting their lost relative for the first time the respondents all experienced "an overwhelming and complicated rush of emotions" and an "almost irresistible sense of falling in love." They all said they had a need to discover an unusual form of closeness and intimacy with their relative, who had felt the same way.
Dr Greenberg said the respondents had discovered themselves in their relative as a form of mirroring. "It seemed almost inevitable that they would express this through sexual intimacy, and when this resulted in sexual intercourse the sexual urge was described as irresistible." He said the prevalence of genetic sexual attraction was unclear, though staff at the Post Adoption Centre had estimated it affected up to half the centre's clients.
Factors that could contribute to these sexual feelings included the mutual attractiveness of physical similarity and the fact that when they were last together, when the adopted child was six months old and under, their physical relationship could have included fondling and close skin contact. Dr Greenberg said in these cases the absence of early bonding diminished the incest taboo and encouraged genetic sexual attraction.
Nature:Experienced between mothers and sons, fathers and daughters, and between more distant relatives, but most common between siblings of opposite sex who bear a close resemblance. It takes the form of an overpowering, almost electrical grip of emotion, associated with an inability to keep away from the other person and an almost primordial sense of having belonged together all their lives. The attraction gives rise to a sense of underlying shame and guilt, together with a feeling of rejection that may prevent effective communication because the emotions are too threatening to share with anyone. This may be compounded by any sexual relationship resulting from the attraction.
Incidence:
Particularly noted in the case of adopted children who are subsequently reunited with the biological parent or sibling of the opposite sex, seemingly because the normal bonding mechanism has been disrupted.
Genetic attraction is a frequently noted response to reunion. Feelings include the need to touch, to spend time together, talk and share. Suggested reasons for the attraction include:
 | Similar Characteristics - Similar genetic makeup can produce similarities in temperament, appearance, and other areas that are common in all birth families to a certain extent. |
| Self-Love - While we may not want to admit it, we generally tend to feel more comfortable with those whose characteristics are similar to our own. |
| Aromatic Identification - It has been suggested that a subconscious memory of the smell of one's own family may be recognised and, if so, would cause an actual physical reaction. |
When the desire to consummate the relationship enters the equation, genetic attraction becomes genetic sexual attraction.
Fear of Discovery/ Fear of Separation
Acknowledging the existence of such feelings raises the spectre of incest, and when these feelings become so intense that they threaten to cross the line over into the realm of physical and deep emotional involvement, many break off the relationship completely, or limit its scope rather than try to talk about it. Others can be so overcome by fear of another separation that they too keep silent but, instead of pulling away, may view a sexual relationship as the only way to keep the connection alive.
Confront It
As with any issue, this needs to be met head-on despite its sensitive nature. It is a natural human desire to be with our own, and it's not at all unusual to react with excessive emotion when experiencing reunion. If you find yourself "falling in love" or sexually attracted to a new-found birth family member, here's what the experts advise:
| Strong feelings of attraction are not abnormal. |
| There's nothing wrong with you. |
| Recognise the initial excitement for what it is: the first rush and thrill of reunion, and the birth of love for family. |
| Remember that relationships take time to develop, and that goes for long-separated birth family members as well. Time will serve to settle the relationship in its proper context. |
| Talk to others who have experienced reunion. |
| Find a support group whose leader is comfortable talking about the subject. |
| Seek counseling from an experienced adoption therapist. |
Source: The Dominion
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